Becoming the Rider (and Owner) You Aspire to Be: Embracing Identity Over Goals

"You do not rise to the level of your goals. You fall to the level of your systems." – James Clear, Atomic Habits

Photography by Poppy Parker. Dax & Elmo

When it comes to horses, many of us set goals. We strive to ride with softer hands, have our horses "listen to us", jump a clear round, or simply be more consistent with our time at the yard. Goals are useful—they give us something to aim for, a sense of direction. But what if we’re going about it the wrong way?

What if the secret isn’t to focus on achieving goals but to focus on becoming the kind of person who naturally achieves those goals?

This perspective shift—changing a goal into an identity—can profoundly transform not just our horsemanship but our entire relationship with our horses.

Royal Diva as a foal. Photo by Becky Bunce Photography

The Cycle of Chasing Goals

It’s all too easy to fall into the cycle of chasing goals. You work hard to master more supple seat, improved timings of aids, or get your horse to pick up the correct canter lead every time. But as soon as you accomplish one goal, the next one looms on the horizon. The cycle continues, and while there’s satisfaction in progress, it can feel like something is missing—a sense of ease, flow, or alignment.

That’s because goals are external. They focus on what you do, rather than who you are.

Shifting from Goals to Identity

Consider this instead: instead of setting a goal to “become a better rider,” start thinking of yourself as someone who is a mindful and skilled horse person. When you change your identity, your actions naturally align with it.

Ask yourself:

• What would a mindful horse owner do when her horse seems anxious or “misbehaving”?

• How would a thoughtful rider handle a frustrating session?

• What habits would a skilled horse person build into their daily routine?

  
  

When you begin to see yourself as the person you aspire to be, your behaviours naturally follow suit.

Creating a Culture of Thoughtful Horsemanship

This shift isn’t just about personal improvement; it’s also about creating a culture of mindfulness and respect in your handling and riding. Horses thrive on consistency, patience, and understanding—qualities that are easier to embody when they feel like a natural extension of who you are.

If you identify as someone who prioritises the welfare and well-being of your horse, you’ll naturally begin to make choices that reflect that identity. From the way you approach groundwork to the way you evaluate your horse’s physical and mental state, every decision flows from that core sense of self.

Photo: Becky Bunce Photography. Aspire Equestrian Training Camp

Practical Steps to Shift Your Identity

Here are a few ways to start aligning your identity with the horse person you aspire to be:

1. Visualise Daily

   Picture yourself as the rider or owner you want to become. How do you carry yourself at the yard? What’s your relationship with your horse like?

   
   

2. Adopt Small Habits

   Small, consistent actions reinforce identity. For example, a rider who values mindfulness might spend five minutes observing their horse in the field before a session.

   
   

3. Speak the Language

   Change the way you talk about yourself. Instead of saying, “I’m trying to get better at dressage,” say, “I’m someone who rides thoughtfully and works to understand my horse’s biomechanics.”

   
   

4. Celebrate the Process

   Instead of only celebrating outcomes (e.g., clearing a fence), take pride in the journey—like noticing your horse’s increased relaxation during warm-up.

   
   

5. Reflect Often

   Use journaling or quiet moments of reflection to notice how your identity is evolving. What have you done today that aligns with the horse person you aspire to be?

   
   

Why It Matters

By shifting your mindset from chasing goals to embodying an identity, you create lasting, meaningful change. This approach works not only for horsemanship but also for the physical demands of riding and the mental resilience required to navigate setbacks. When you are a mindful, thoughtful rider, small wins like improved balance or a more harmonious canter transition become inevitable milestones on your journey.

More importantly, this identity shift strengthens your bond with your horse. Horses respond to who we are—not just what we do. When your identity aligns with kindness, patience, and attentiveness, your horse will feel the difference.

Remember, the journey is the destination. Celebrate it. Embrace it. And most importantly, embody it.

Here’s to a more mindful, thoughtful year ahead—with your horse as your greatest teacher.

Wiola & Lunar. Photo by Becky Bunce Photography