Emotional Regulation for Equestrians: Strategies for Handling the Unexpected

Emotional regulation is a skill, and like all skills, it improves with practice. The goal isn’t to eliminate emotional reactions—that’s neither possible nor desirable. Instead, it’s about cultivating the awareness and tools to navigate these emotions constructively. By doing so, you not only enhance your experience as an equestrian but also deepen the bond with your horse.

As a riding instructor, I work with girls and women ranging from six to seventy years old. One thing I witness every day is the profound impact that our state of mind and emotions have on what we do with horses and how we do it. Whether it’s a routine handling, a schooling session, a leisurely hack, or a more challenging competition day, our emotional state invariably sets the tone for the interaction.

We often pride ourselves on how well we understand our horses: their body language, their mood shifts, their reactions to our requests. Yet, how often do we apply that same attentiveness to ourselves?

It’s surprisingly easy to overlook the fact that horses are highly attuned to our emotional undercurrents, even the ones we try to hide. The easy-going mare who suddenly balks at a simple exercise, the gelding who becomes agitated out of nowhere—sometimes it’s not their behaviour we need to analyse but our own internal state.

Horses and humans form a team, and just like in any team, both members bring their emotional state and mindset to the table. Our job isn’t just to learn but also to act as a team trainer, observing how both we and our horses contribute to the dynamics of the interaction. This awareness is especially crucial during learning sessions. How a horse feels—relaxed, tense, curious, or anxious—often determines whether they will succeed in understanding and retaining what we are trying to teach. As equestrians, we must aim to create an environment where both horse and rider feel mentally and physically prepared to engage in meaningful learning.

Let’s explore some strategies for managing those emotional moments when things don’t go to plan. These aren’t quick fixes or shallow platitudes. They’re tools to help you approach challenges with clarity and purpose, strengthening the partnership between you and your horse.

1. Acknowledge What You’re Feeling

Rather than dismissing or suppressing your emotions, take a moment to identify them. Are you frustrated because a schooling exercise isn’t going as planned? Nervous about an unexpected reaction on a hack? Recognising the specific emotion allows you to separate the feeling from the situation. This isn’t about judgement or blame but about awareness. A simple thought like, “I’m feeling anxious right now” can create a surprising amount of mental space.

2. Pause Before You Act

In equestrianism, our instinctive reactions can sometimes escalate situations unnecessarily. When you feel tension rising, pause. Take a deep breath, ground yourself in the moment, and think about your next action deliberately. This pause not only helps you reset but also gives your horse a moment to rebalance. Horses thrive on clarity; they struggle when our signals are muddled by emotion.

3. Refocus on What You Can Control

When things go wrong, it’s easy to fixate on what the horse isn’t doing or what went awry. Instead, shift your focus to what is within your control: your posture, your breathing, your aids. If your horse seemingly doesn't respond to your leg aid, for example, take a moment to reset yourself before trying again. Think about where your are looking, your balance, breathing pattern, tension through your seat, and your intensions rather than dwelling on the lack of response itself.

4. Develop a Pre-Session Mindset Routine

The best way to handle unexpected emotions is to prepare before they arise. Create a simple pre-session routine that helps centre you. This could include a few minutes of quiet visualisation, grounding exercises like deep breathing, or even walking your horse in hand while setting your intention for the session. Entering the saddle/groundwork session with clarity and calmness can make all the difference.

5. Understand the Connection Between Emotional State and Learning

Horses, like humans, can learn when they’re scared, anxious, or in discomfort, but the type of learning that occurs in these states is fundamentally different. In moments of fear or stress, learning tends to be reactive and survival-based, focusing on immediate outcomes rather than understanding or retention. A frightened horse may remember that a specific corner of the arena is “dangerous,” but they won’t absorb the nuanced lessons of balance or rhythm you were trying to teach.

Conversely, a horse that feels safe, curious, and mentally engaged is far more likely to process and retain new skills. This is why it’s vital to monitor your horse’s emotional state during training. If they’re showing signs of tension or frustration, it’s often more productive to step back and address their comfort than to push through the exercise. As their partner, your ability to recognise and respond to these cues directly impacts their ability to learn effectively.

6. Lean on Your Experience—and Your Horse’s

As a horse owner, you’ve likely built a strong foundation of trust with your horse. When emotions threaten to derail a session, remind yourself of the work you’ve both put in. Draw on past successes and use them as a mental anchor. Similarly, trust in your horse’s ability to navigate situations with you. They’re not looking for perfection; they’re looking for consistency and understanding.

7. Debrief and Reflect

A Horsewoman's Journal: Lessons Reflections

After a challenging session, take time to reflect. What emotions came up, and how did they influence the outcome? What worked well, and what could you approach differently next time? Writing these thoughts down can help you identify patterns and develop a more thoughtful approach over time.

Remember, reflection isn’t about self-criticism; it’s about learning and growth.

The beauty of horses is that they offer us constant opportunities for self-discovery. Their sensitivity to our emotions isn’t a liability; it’s a gift. By learning to manage our internal world with as much care as we manage theirs, we not only become better equestrians but also better partners to these incredible animals. Every moment, even the challenging ones, is a chance to deepen your connection—both with your horse and yourself.